It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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