i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
they're like a gay fantastic four
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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