just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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