i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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