Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
