the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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