I'm jealous of your bromance
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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