you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
