Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
