Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
