Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
