The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
