come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
We named our party play list daddy issues
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
