I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
