just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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