Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
