Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
