I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
