We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
