Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
