my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
