There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize