You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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