I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
