no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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