I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
