i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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