I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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