I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
