if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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