R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I think pants incapable of making pants work
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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