have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
