I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize