Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
