He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
