I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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