so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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