NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
my poor anus
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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