Got a toothbrush?
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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