ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
