Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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