Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
