She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
People in love make me want to vomit
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
