I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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