I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
