you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
