I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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