so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Who put my cat in the fridge?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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