Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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