so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
