i'm signing you up for texting rehab
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
