please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
