I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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