Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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