Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
