i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
