I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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