thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
