Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
