You're a womanizer and a bitch.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
