i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
