You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
