just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
