The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
