I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize