Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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