Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
