We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
