I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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