I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I touched a dick in church today
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
