at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
