Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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