There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
