I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
