Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize