Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
